The legend warns that the code is powerful and dangerous. We’d better use it only three or four times. But even a single use could shatter the universe. Got it. Two or three times. I see I have no choice. Nibblonians, attack! And the pitch! Scamper! Alas, our kitten-class attack ships were no match for their mighty chairs. The universe is doomed. Doomed! Can I pull up my pants now? Stand back, you wing wangs. I’m gonna try out this time sphere with a quick test drive to yesterday.

It all started 30-odd years ago. I was working in Mom’s laboratories for the third time after twice before realizing and vowing never to work for her again. But somehow the rich, wrong stench of her boney charms kept calling me back. Don’t stop, Professor. I’m getting aroused. Back in those days, dark matter was just a worthless inert curiosity, and I was smashing it in a particle accelerator, in an ill-conceived attempt to create a more durable harpsichord wax. But, as Deepak Chopra taught us, quantum physics means anything can happen at any time for no reason.